I immediately resonated with the article entitled, "The Essence of Commitment is Recommitment" and was struck by the statement contained therein which said, "It works not by our making one mighty resolution that transforms our life forever..." The reason that struck me was that I recognized the voice of my own mind in those words - that I've been expecting expertise from myself right out the gate. The article and the lecture made me realize that I need to change my conception of what commitment entails.
Being steady no longer means for me that I never go off track. Rather, it means that I regularly practice reeling in the mind from its wanderings. Sometimes I'll have to reel it in just a little, and sometimes a lot. Either way, I should expect distractions but just be mindful of how far off course I'm allowing my mind to get. I should also understand that I can expect the mind to behave whimsically because that's its nature. There's no deficiency in the mind behaving like that, any more than there's something wrong with a dog for barking. So, it's not that I have to train the mind to be different. Rather, I have to respond differently to the mind. Instead of allowing it to lead me wherever it wanders, I have to control it with the leash of my determination. But that takes practice, and until I get good at reigning in my mind I should expect it to go off course. Just as when you're learning to play a piano piece, you should expect to hit the wrong keys oftentimes in the beginning, but with practice, you'll make fewer and fewer mistakes. Mistakes are part of practice otherwise, you wouldn't need to practice because you'd be expert already.
So, I now see commitment not as a one-time decision, but as a practice. Seeing it in that way allows for drifting of the mind without those drifts being equated as failures to commit, because as the statement in the article continued to say, "it works by our returning to our resolutions repeatedly, no matter how much we deviate in between." This new conception of commitment has made me also realize how unrealistic it was for me to expect immediate expertise in keeping the naturally drifting mind in check. If I wouldn't expect a new driver to keep a car in a straight line just because he is determined to do so, then I shouldn't expect that of myself as a new practitioner of keeping my mind on course.
Another thing that I need to practice is seeing my mind as a separate entity from myself, just as a car is external to its driver. I think this practice has the potential to facilitate my making a choice as to whether to follow my mind's lead.
Hopefully, the revision of my conception of commitment along with the other practice of seeing my mind as my vehicle will make some inroad toward my becoming more adept at controlling the natural tendency of my mind.
